In The Waiting: Resting in God’s Word in the Face of Dis-Ease

I want a peace beyond my understanding
I want to feel it fall like rain in the middle of my hurting.
I want to feel your arms as they surround me
And let me know that it's okay to be here in this place
Resting in the peace that only comes in the waiting.

---From "In the Waiting" written by Greg Long and ministered by Vicki Yohe on her "I Just Want You" CD.

Friday, February 2, 2007, marked the beginning of the most difficult, nine-week, personal journey of my Christian walk. My very life depended upon how things played out.

That day a year ago, I had my annual gynecological exam. During the consultation, my doctor asked the typical questions about my health since my last visit. And I gave him the typical answers of a then 48-year old woman. He then asked how "everything else" was.

I told him about some digestive symptoms I’d had for several years: severe, episodic bouts of nausea and vomiting. They’d come out of the blue…months apart. Diet and lifestyle seemed to have no influence. I mentioned that my primary physician had run a series of tests 6 or 7 months prior, with no real conclusion. So we were taking a wait-and-see approach.

I could practically hear the wheels turning in his head as he curiously clicked away at his computer keyboard. He asked me whether the symptoms included flushing—hot flashes. I responded with a simple, polite "yes". But I facetiously thought, “Well, yeah! When you're in agonizing distress, hot flashes seem like a reasonable physiological response…plus, I’m peri-menopausal!"

He excused me to the exam room and said he would be in shortly. I waited on that table… in my gown… for what seemed like 40 minutes. I guess he was still on the computer.

After a normal exam, the doctor left the room saying that he’d be back to discuss his thoughts about the symptoms. He returned and said, “Now, this isn’t my area of expertise, but I think we’re on to something."

That something was Carcinoid Syndrome.

Now, I didn't like the sound of that:

"carcin"…the root of "carcinogen"

… a cause of cancer.

With little explanation as to what this syndrome was, he ordered a 24-hour urine test and referred me to a surgeon.

My head was spinning. I left the office struggling with feelings of isolation and bewilderment. Stunned and functioning on autopilot, I made my way to work, eager to finish off the week.

I ran an internet search on “Carcinoid Syndrome”. That’s the way I handle things. I like to be well-informed about my decisions. I wanted to know what the specifics were, in the natural. This way, I would know what I needed to command, in the spirit.

I didn’t read anything good: words like tumor… benign… malignant… oncology … cancer. The more I read, the more apprehensive I became. But I just wasn’t convinced that all of the symptoms I’d been having, matched this illness. Still, I felt uneasy.

For several days, I didn’t tell my husband specifically what the doctor said, nor what I had read. I needed to work through my feelings alone first…just me and the Lord. I had to build up my most holy faith.

On Super Bowl Sunday, I stayed home from church so that I could…well…collect for 24 hours. The next day, I dropped the specimen off at LabCorp.

Several days passed when the nurse called to give me the results: my serotonin levels where high, “which may indicate the presence of a carcinoid, a benign tumor”. The Dr.’s suspicions appeared to be confirmed.

After I hung up, a flood of emotion came over me. No tears, but deep concern. I had to look to the hills… to the Lord… for my help.

On February 13, at the request of the surgeon I hadn’t even seen yet, I had a CT of the chest and abdomen. The results were…”unremarkable”, normal. Thank God.

When I finally saw the surgeon on the 26^th, the nurse came in to take my vitals. She looked down at my chart and asked, “Where is this…uh, carci…? I quickly answered, “no where.” She looked at me like I had sprouted antennae!

So to clarify, I followed up saying, “there’s been no diagnosis. It’s just a suspicion.”

This response wasn’t conjured up, ladies. It was in my spirit and it was true. The wrong answer would have been, “I don’t know.”

The surgeon arrived, introduced herself and said that I had an “interesting situation.” I nodded. She asked a few questions and examined me. She reiterated my normal CT scans and mentioned that carcinoids can be very difficult to find. If one was found, “we will have to remove it because it will only grow”.

I told her that I believed nothing would be found. She acknowledged my statement, but counseled that if one was there, it would be better to find and treat it. I agreed. She also mentioned that she wanted me to see a Gastroenterologist, a doctor who specializes in the digestive system.

The next day, I underwent an upper, middle and lower GI series, with those results coming back normal a few days later. I submitted to a set of four more blood tests and a repeat 24-hour urine test. Four of the five tests were normal. This time, the urine test showed my serotonin was at normal levels, but the serum (blood) test for the same hormone indicated a high elevation.

I had nearly two weeks to wait before I would see the Gastroenterologist. From time to time, I researched the web for more information, any glimmers natural hope. But that often left me feeling burdened.

Occasionally, I had thoughts of leaving my family too soon: my husband, my daughters, my precious grandsons, my sisters, my parents. Thoughts about my then 71-year old mother having to face this test were overwhelming. How would I make it through treatment if it came to that? What about money, weakness, hair loss?

But I knew that I couldn’t maintain my faith walk with fear lurking just under the surface. So I had to cast down those imaginations and concentrate on His promises. I focused on healing scriptures like:

Isaiah 53:5, “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.”

And 1 Peter 2:24, “ who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.

Each morning I looked in the mirror and fervently declared:

My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Nothing resides here that God didn’t put here.

Every cell, every organ, every system—cardiovascular, endocrine, reproductive, nervous, immune, respiratory, digestive—functions as it was ordained.

The morning of March 9, I saw the Gastroenterologist and had another diagnostic procedure that afternoon. The doctor introduced himself as he swiftly walked in. He asked me to describe my symptoms and reviewed my medical history and previous results. At one point, he asked my age. My Smart-Aleck answer was, “48 and counting.”

Then he asked if anyone had explained what a carcinoid was. I shook my head and answered, “…well, not fully” and added that I had been reading some online. He nodded and started explaining.

His words were a blur. All I remember hearing is “not” and “necessarily” and “CANCER”. I can’t recall what order the words came in or what other words were included.

He told me that he wanted me to have an endoscopic ultrasound and colonoscopy. …and an Octreotide scan—a type of nuclear imaging. This scan —taken over the course of three days—is used to conclusively diagnose cardinoid tumors and is more sensitive than any other type of scan. (I was thinking, “why didn’t somebody give me that FIRST so I wouldn’t have to go through so much?!)

Anyway, between that visit and the next procedures, I was back on the internet to learn more about this scan. I discovered and suggested a blood test that hadn’t been recommended yet. It was supposed to definitely show markers unique to carcinoid. So my surgeon ordered it. A rare test, it took an unusually long time for the results to come back. But when they did, they were normal. My faith was boosted!

So on the beautiful, sunny morning of April 3, I arrived for the nuclear injection which would “mark” any carcinoids that existed, making even the smallest one visible to the scanner. I had three hours to use up before the scan would begin, so I went shopping for a Resurrection Sunday outfit and treated myself to lunch.

When I got back, the technicians assisted me in getting into position. I lay on that narrow table as the scanner methodically rotated around my head, chest, torso and pelvis, for two hours… incredulous that I was really there. But I felt peaceful and trusted the finished work of Christ. I believed, beyond a shadow of doubt, that they would find nothing. I even took a nap.

For each of the next two days I returned for subsequent sessions, each lasting between one and two hours. On the third day, Deidra from the surgeon’s office, called. They had been able to view the preliminary results of the scan online. She told me that the surgeon said “this test that you are in the middle of, this Octreotide Scan, the Dr. says “IT lookS like a whole lotta nothing !” I said, “well hallelujah! That’s good news!” She reminded me that the results were preliminary, but they felt quite confident.

On Good Friday morning, I awakened in a wash of sweet peace and gratitude. I enjoyed a private time of deep, intimate worship, sobbing before the Lord as I listened to Vickie Yohe’s, “In the Waiting”.

Later that day, I received a call from my Gastroenterologist, with the final, official confirmation that the scan had indeed validated no presence of tumors!

I called my family to share what great things the Lord had done. They praised God with me. But were stunned (my daughters in particular) that I hadn’t told them. I didn’t want to burden them with something that was merely a suspicion. I also didn’t want to talk about it too much. I was watching my words.

And I didn’t want any other words “floating out there” that inadvertently, were not God’s. My oldest daughter reminded me that she is also my friend and that she wishes I hadn’t gone through this alone. They all said they could have believed with me. Lessoned learned.

The colonoscopy, two weeks later, gave further confirmation. In fact, my doctor said mine was the “best looking digestive framework”— or something like that— that he’d ever seen. Glory to God!

Seven Strategies to Achieve Victory in the Waiting

1. Remember that the Victory is Already Won through Jesus Christ!
   
   God’s wants us healed and gave His son that we might have life more abundantly.
   Your job is to fight the good fight of faith until your victory is manifested in your situation. Stand, stand, and stand some more.
   
   
2. Focus on the Word, Not the Wait.
   
   Proverbs 4:20-22 Says God’s words are life to those that find them
   20 My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. 21 Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. 22 For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh. (KJV)
   
   Now, the NIV: 20 My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. 21 Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, 22 for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.
   
   Remember, a delayed answer is not a denied answer.
   Old testament example: Daniel 10:12-13 says, 12 Then he said to me, Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your mind and heart to understand and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come as a consequence of [and in response to] your words. 13 But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me for twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief [of the celestial] princes, came to help me, for I remained there with the kings of Persia. (Amplified)
   
   
3. Find, Read & Declare Out Loud Applicable Scriptures.
   
   I relied heavily upon my favorite scripture: Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. (KJV)
   Now The Message Version: I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
   
   
4. Watch Your Mouth!
   
   You can have what you say---good or bad. Never, ever say anything contrary to God’s Word. Or you put yourself, your will in line with the will of our adversary, the devil.
   Mark 11:23 says, For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.
   
   
5. Watch Your Thoughts!
   
   I Corinthians 10: 4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; (KJV)
   
   
6. Take Care of Your Temple (Faith without works is dead.)
   
   I Corinthians 6:19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?
• Eat a balanced diet, high in fruits, vegetables, nuts and whole grains.
• Drink 64 ounces of water a day.
• Live a fasted life: just say no! You don’t have to eat it just because it is there.
• Be active: Exercise, take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park in the back of the parking lot and walk.
• Partner with your doctors by being your own advocate.
• Look the part.
7. Share Your Testimony.
   
   It glorifies God, gives hope to others, and according to Revelation 12:11, it overcomes Satan. “And they overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony;”

This trial was a smokescreen, an action to confuse or conceal. It was introduced into my life as a diversionary tactic to distract me from God’s plan for me. If I had allowed my fearful imaginations to control my behavior, or my own words to oppose God’s, the outcome would have most certainly been different. I won’t know all that went on behind the scenes in the spirit realm until I see Jesus or He reveals it to me. But, God was Abba, my daddy, to me during that time and I am so thankful to Him.

While I still don’t have an explanation for the cyclical symptoms, I am trusting God that they will not continue and that I walk in divine health. And you can too.

Watch Your Witness...

...Others Are

Excuse the Christian lingo. If you aren't familiar with the term used in this context, "witness" refers to the life you lead, the example you set. Your Christian "walk". It's deeper than mere "image". Because, it is His image we are to display, not ours.

In 1 Peter 1:16, He commands us to be holy for He is holy.

Yesterday was a busy, deadline-driven, lunch-skipping day for me. It was a great workday, just a stressful one.

With a great feeling of achievement and rush of relief, I achieved the day's objective just in the nick of time.

At about 5:25, I looked up from my work, remembering that I had to leave for a 6:00 meeting at church approximately 20 minutes away. 20 minutes... if there is no traffic. I like to leave by 5:30 to allow for that. Great, no problem there.

But in sacrificing my lunch break to continue working, I neglected to fill my gas tank. So as I left the office, I grappled with whether to stop at the super-busy, super-sized gas and convenience center, Sheetz right on the corner. Or to find a gas station closer to church. I opted for the latter.

I pulled into a 7-Eleven station, positioned on the tiny, cramped corner lot of a busy city intersection. Maneuvering my small SUV was difficult in the overcrowed lot--impatient drivers pulling up to and away from the store, into and out of the gas lines, and into and out of the two entrances to the lot.

A driver behind me furiously laid on her horn as I attempted to turn around to properly position my gas tank to an adjacent pump in the shortest gas line.

So, I was feeling exasperated myself by the time I had finally moved into position. I found myself behind a lady who strolled unenthusiastically into the store to prepay while her car parked in front of the pump.

I checked my watch... about five minutes to spare before the 6:00 meeting. Another pump became vacant so I hastily moved in front of it, quickly jumped out of my car and starting pumping the gas.

The lady who had left her car returned and we made eye contact. We were now beside each other. I smiled and acknowledge her and then muttered something about my busy day. I mentioned my impending meeting....at my church.

She asked me where I went to church and told me that she had been looking for a good church for a while.

I shared with her all of the wonderful attributes of the ministry and mentioned that I have been attending for over twenty years. I invited her to attend one Sunday or Wednesday evening.

I told her that it was just a couple miles up the street, across the bridge on the right...a large building with flags in front...a former car dealership. She promised to visit.

We said our good byes and headed our separated ways.

Now well on my way, I was thankful that the Holy Spirit's influence helped me keep the proper attitude. I was pleasant in spite of the temptation to show my frustration under pressure.

Had my behavior indicated what I was feeling, I might not have bothered to speak to her. I might have turned her off as one of those hypocritical, church-types...certainly not displaying the image, the love, the compassion of Christ.

What a valuable reminder. The world is watching. And we need to be the example of Christ in their lives to draw them to Him. All the scriptures in the bible won't share Christ with them if our behavior is just like theirs, or worse.

So remember to take every opportunity to demonstrate His love, His patience, His temperament...no matter the circumstances. That is our great commission.

Today is a Day of Remembrance: "Hokie Hope"

Virginia Governor, Tim Kaine has declared today, "A Statewide Day of Mourning" to show our unity with "Hokie Hope", the Virginia Tech alumni declared, "Orange and Maroon Effect Day." People across the nation, and even in other parts of the world, are joining in to express their empathy and compassion.

Please show your support by wearing the VT colors and by pausing at 12:00 noon to pray in Jesus' name during the national moment of silence.

VTech, we mourn with you...stand with you...and pray with you.

Psalms 30:10-12, Amplified Version
10 Hear, O Lord, have mercy and be gracious to me! O Lord, be my helper!  11 You have turned my mourning into dancing for me; You have put off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, 12 To the end that my tongue and my heart and everything glorious within me may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

Prayers of Support and Comfort for Virginia Tech

Our prayers go out for the students, families, faculty, administration, alumni and friends of Virginia Tech University, in Blacksburg, Virginia, after the horrendous shootings that occurred there earlier today. 32 were murdered and dozens wounded or injured in the mayhem. The gunman then committed suicide as police closed in on him.

VTech, we mourn with you...stand with you...and pray with you.

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Jesus is Risen!

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

Many blessings to you as you reflect on the example of His life, healing by His stripes, salvation and deliverance by His death and all by His resurrection! Give Him All the Glory and Praise...This Day and Everyday!

As you gather with family and friends, take a few moments to pass the cup and the bread in communion and celebration for all He has done.

Don't Marry Who? - My Review

Okay. Here I am this morning at 7:20. I should be leaving my house between 7:30 and 7:45 to get to work by 8:30. I was googling "Proverbs 31" to see where Glorious Tapestries fell in the rankings. (There are a lot of ministries and blogs on the subject...as of this moment, 1,940,000 to be exact! I guess Christian women really need edification and support. Who knew? Well, they say, "there's nothing new under the sun".)

Anyway, I came across a post in the blog, The Evangelical Outpost archive, entitled, Don't Marry a Proverbs 31 Woman, by Joe Carter. In it, the author comments on an editorial on Forbes.com by Michael Noer, Careers & Marriage, Don't Marry Career Women. 

While the Noer article was certainly denigrating, I was more appalled by Carter's assertion that the church would equate the world's version of the professional woman, described in Noer's editorial, with God's version in Proverbs 31.

In his blog, Carter attempts to disqualify Noer's hedged statements. But then, follows up with a loose comparison and an assumption, stating:

The primary difference is that becoming a professional woman entails acquiring qualities to build an impressive resume, while becoming a Proverbs 31 woman requires obtaining qualities to build an impressive character. But just as Noer warns against marrying a career woman, many Christians would advise (in reality if not in theory) that you avoid marrying a Proverbs 31 woman.

Huh? Did I read that correctly? Did a man of God just assume that the entire Body of Christ feels this way?

Now, I must add that Carter tried to add balance by admonishing Christians, "to carefully consider how the qualities and virtues presented in Proverbs 31 can be translated into our own time and culture. As Christians we need to present a more robust view of the role of the noble wife that is rooted more in the Bible..."

The Proverbs 31 woman is an accomplished career woman...but she is also an efficient homemaker, a capable, nurturing mother and a loving wife who honors her husband. While she is a running an efficient home, she may even simultaneously home school her children or run a business out of her home. She determines her roles by drawing from her specialized, God-given talents. 

Proverbs 31:11 says, "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil". And verse 12 says, "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." Verse 28 says that her husband openly praises her: "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."

Any Christian who warns against this kind of marriage is sadly misinformed and needs to have his mind renewed by the Word of God.

I'd also suggest he have the elders of his church pray with him against the spirit of intimidation. 

New Members & Visitors Increasing Daily!

With the help of Google Analytics, a free analysis tool, I have been able to watch the progress of the site. It is exciting to see the outreach from my warm market outward. To date, people from the US, Canada and the UK have visited Glorious Tapestries. More specifically, sorted by largest number of visits/visitors, they are from: Virginia, North Carolina, New York, California, Maryland, Louisiana, Texas, Pennsylvania, Florida and Georgia; then Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada; and Slough, United Kingdom.

Praise God! Hallelujah! Already, I can accurately say "international outreach"!

The next step is to continue building exposure so that the number of visitors and members increases and the outreach stretches even further. I am currently working on continuing to create valuable, dynamic content. One way to achieve this is by contacting ministerial contributors and other authors interested in posting. This will edify the members and visitors of Glorious Tapestries and their own ministries as well.

How it Feels to Sponsor a Child

On December 3, 1978, I became a mother for the first time.

Every mother knows the wonder, the joy, the unconditional and overwhelming love she feels when she holds her newborn child for the very first time.

Today I am a mother three times over...all daughters...and a grandmother of two grandsons. I was equally marvelled by the entrances of each of those new little lives.

On October 4, 2005, I sponsored a little girl from Ethiopia, through Christian Children's Fund. Her name is Saba. Why in the world would a busy working mom and grandmother, with family demands on her income, want to take on the monthly commitment of sponsoring another child?

Well, my answer to that is simply, love. All it takes is sharing love. My small $24 a month gift means the world to little Saba and her family. The American dollar goes much further in Ethiopia where the average family earns just under $400 a year!

I thank God for the mission of Christian Children's Fund and my opportunity to be a part of it.

Click here to learn about sponsoring a child through Christian Children's Fund.

Implementing the Vision

My current challenge is to drive readers and members to the site, even though I am still developing some things.

Also, over the past couple of days, I have implemented some affiliate marketing strategies to include relevant content on Glorious Tapestries. I joined Google Analytics, a free resource for evaluative tools so that I can map my progress. Yesterday, I started sending the link to a few friends for feedback. (I had already sent it to two family members last week.) Great feedback, so far!

I plan to work with some ministry leaders in my church to see if they might be willing to contribute regular weekly or monthly articles. In exchange, I will help them promote their personal ministries by including their profiles and links to their sites and I will have a link on their sites.

I also know of some awesome testomonies of healing from life-threatening diseases and I plan to ask those ladies to include their stories of victory---blow by blow.

Onward and upward. 

God Ideas

This week, I've been so excited about developing this site that several mornings I  have awakened with streams of ideas. I even got out of bed one morning at 4:15, quietly went into the den and got on the computer to start putting the concepts into play. I've continued to design the site, trying to determine the look and feel that I want Glorious Tapestries to convey and what I would like it to mean to other women.

The Lord is pouring content ideas into my mind as quickly as I can process them. I thank Him that I properly discern each beautiful thread to use for this tapestry. And I praise Him for empowering me to accomplish what He initiates.

My vision so far is that Glorious Tapestries will be a place where women can find and provide encouragement, understanding and fellowship.  It will have:

• plenty of resources to help women become the Proverbs 31 woman God intended them to be and  will help them "prosper and be in health even as their souls prosper."
• a variety of "experts" to provide regular content on topics of interest to Christian women: ministry, finances, living in health, family life, etc.
• a section for testimonials of the great things that God has done in their lives, so that others will gain the faith to endure in their situations.
• a section for women who have been diagnosed with serious illnesses to share and believe God together.
• a section that ministers to women with substance abuse issues.
• Cute Coverlets, a section for topics on the lighter side, fun subjects such as beauty tips and shopping